Scientific results of a recent loss of love study done on 15 young men and women who went through a relationship breakup were published in the Journal of Neurophysiology. The research found that rejection by a long-term partner lights up part of the brain that has similarities to addiction. The loss of love study showed romantic love is motivated by goals not a specific emotion and that rejection of one partner in a relationship created symptoms of addictions.
The loss of love study showed that coping with rejection and the loss of love is an uphill battle because of the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is associated with desire and pleasure. The loss of love study also showed when rejected by a loved one causes desperate feelings that can lead to withdrawal, unrealistic cravings, stalking, depression, homicide or suicide.
According to the loss of love researchers the only recourse is time. Over time the area of the brain associated with attachment showed less activity. Their advice to the victim of lost love is to treat the relationship breakup as an addiction, keep busy, exercise and wait for time to heal.
Tips for Mourning the Loss of Love
Accept the loss of love. Facing the “problem” head on is the only way you can get on with your life. Being in denial just creates false expectations and disappointment.
Talk about your loss of love feelings. It is important to talk about what you are going through. Everyone has mourned a loss of love at some point so do not feel you are alone. Talk to someone who can offer you some positive feedback.
Don’t dwell on anger from loss of love. While you may be feeling a great deal of anger from loss of love, anger is a process that you should not dwell on for any length of time.
See the loss of love as an opportunity for personal growth. Everything happens for a reason and loss of love has given you an opportunity to grow. Ask yourself what is the lesson here? Learn to forgive unconditionally.
Spiritual Solutions for Coping with a Breakup
While scientific studies satisfy the mind, they do not satisfy the spirit. Still, there are many spiritual solutions that can be implemented to help you survive a loss of love, if you are willing and able.
Suffering from loss of love is not mandatory. Suffering from loss of love is not mandatory unless you make it so. It is important to acknowledge that the ego finds the vulnerable state of your being a great opportunity to “take over”, and indulge the pain and suffering.
Love and trust are all core spiritual values. Sandra Brown, MA, points out, “Hope, love and trust are all core spiritual values and when you have invested those core values and beliefs in someone and then the heinous deception is revealed, something 'rips' inside of you.
Loss of love is like a death. “Loss of love is like a death and should be mourned as such, but rather than soul tearing. If you call your troubles experiences, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within you, you will grow vigorous and happy, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be.” John Heywood
Healing from loss of love starts from within. Healing from a relationship breakup and loss of love starts from within. The mental, physical, emotional and spiritual aspects must all be engaged to help the healing process from lost love.
Get Mental Clarity after Your Relationship Breakup
One of the best things you can do for yourself when you experience a loss of love is to become introspective.
Journal your loss of love thoughts and observations. While it may be necessary to talk to others about the way you feel about your lost love, spend an equal amount of time going within. What is the lesson? What is the message? Contemplation is a valuable spiritual practice that may enable spirit to communicate to you.
Write your ex a letter telling him how you feel about your loss of love. Another exercise is to write your ex a letter telling him or her how you feel about your loss of love, then when you are done burn the letter, toss it moving water if possible.
Clean Your Physical Space
Gather everything that reminds your lost love and put them in box. Gather everything that reminds you of your lost love and collect them in a box, including photos, personal items, letters and mementos. If you are ready to dispose them do so. If not, put the box away somewhere where you won’t see it, and when you are ready then toss that box.
Redecorating your room helps you forget about loss of love. Redecorate your room or get new sheets, buy yourself flowers and a new fragrance
Take daily walks and meditate to forget about loss of love. Take daily walks and meditate on each step that you take as “peace.” Peace is every step, says Thich Nhat Hanh. Your walk will become a habit by 3 weeks. Walking is also beneficial for your health and well being.
Dance and sing songs to help forget about the loss of love. All that negative energy from loss of love needs to be expressed and transformed to good energy. Listen to music you love. Soon you will be able to listen, dance to and sing “your” songs with no sadness, but will feel the beauty of the music instead
Your Emotional House Needs Remodeling after Loss of Love
Weeping and mourning is normal after loss of love. What is not normal is to be so attached to the pain, anger, suffering and misery that you can’t let go of it. Many people love their suffering. Don’t be one of them. Don’t dwell in misery, self-pity, feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. Believe in yourself and you can climb out of the mire.
After your Loss of Love your Spiritual Outlook Will Keep your Internal House Strong.
Now that all your loss of love housecleaning is done, find refuge in your heart, in your new space.
Contemplation and meditation after your loss of love will open up new areas of your heart. Contemplation and meditation after your loss of love will open up areas of your heart and soul that are being revealed to you from your Higher Self.
Adversity cause by loss of love will reveal to you the kind of person you really are. Adversity will reveal to you the kind of person you really are. In adverse times, the spirit is screaming for your attention. We will always be tested in life, but everything we encounter in life is an opportunity to grow and evolve. How we react to any situation, not just from a loss of love relationship breakup, is the true measure of who we are as individuals, couples and human beings.
Bottom Line on the Loss of Love in a Relationship Breakup
Every romantic relationship is there to teach us a lesson and you can emerge from any loss of love relationship breakup or loss of love disappointment as a stronger and wiser person. Remember: Life is the best University and Love is our teacher.
About the Author
Chandi Devi is an experienced tantra yoga practitioner, an experienced author on the topic of tantra yoga. Dubbed "the Dear Abby of Tantra" Devi hosts the popular online radio show “The KarmaCaffe Spiritual Hour”where she answers questions and gives advice regarding tantra yoga and spiritual bliss . Some of Devi's publications include, From Om to Orgasm: the Tantra Primer for Living in Bliss" and the "The World of Tantra" a set of tantra DVDs that activate and transmute sexual energy (kundalini shakti).